I've reached a new low... I found myself sitting here contemplating if I have enough bath towels in my house and remembering my mother saying that a woman could never have too many towels in her home if she has children. I think that is probably one of the most practical tidbits my mother has ever shared with me. I have, at least, 20 bath towels, 10 bath sheet/beach towels, 40 wash clothes, 10 bath pouffs (the things you use with liquid soap), 10 hand towels, and 10 dish towels. I find myself regularly scrambling trying to come up with towels for everyone to use, and find that the hand and kitchen towels are the hardest to keep up with, mostly because everyone thinks these should be pretty and gave me ones with appliqued designs which make the towel impractical to use... but that's another issue.
I decided I need intellectual stimulation on a daily basis because of my pondering the proper towel balance in life... I don't want to spiral into a world where towel quantities are all I have to think about. I need intelligent conversation to keep me happy... and find myself looking forward to reading "Jan hugged the pug." with my daughter just so I have SOMETHING better than a towel tally to occupy my time. I need to get better so I can go back to work!
Hugs & Love
8 comments:
Oh..yes...we with children have these moments. Thank God they are not constant. My problem is I overanalyze everything in my life. Actually I'm getting better at not giving silly things too much attention...but I know I have a long way to go before I come to a happy balance. I have a deep desire to understand WHY. Why did she walk away when I was in the middle of talking to her? Why do I have to bring it up again that I've not been paid for three hours that I worked? Why do people knowingly allow others to take advantage of them? Yeah..it gets to be a bit much sometimes. I like your towel tally bit...it makes me feel like I'm in good company. Love ya!
Wow, I'm not the only psycho out here! hehe... you know I'm kidding and love ya! Seriously though, I went on to start counting the number of forks, spoons, and knives of each pattern I have (I have 2 patterns, one really cheap, the other free, ironically, the free ones have been around since I was 16 and my grandmother gave them to me for my hope chest, but that's a different issue, that's acutally my "good" set). Then there's the whole, gotta get the right pillowcase with the right set of sheets conundrum I have, I can't stand that Kayla doesn't have her Tweety Bird pillow case to go with her Tweety Bird sheets right now because she took it to Daddy's once and left it there, so she's using a plain case that doesn't really match, and it makes me nuts. At least the Scooby Doo and sports theme sets are complete.
Then I go into this long mental rant about why these other little things are getting to me but the glob of toothpaste that I'm waiting for the kids to clean off the sink for the past week isn't phasing me (it's nasty) or why I don't cringe that we STILL have bath towels on the bathroom floor (after their baths it's a swimming hole in there, so I have them put their bath towels down to save lives).
And now, I'm overanalyzing my life, particularly the inconsistencies that just don't make any sense at all...
This is my problem, because I'm home from work, and sick, my mind is desperate to find things to occupy it's time, then I go and look something up trying to give myself more stimulation and discover the doctor is running tests to try to rule out Lymphoma and I don't need to know that unless it's a real possibility, at this point we're still hoping for a mono test to come back positive... heck, Lyme's Disease for that matter, but no, I have to look up the test code and discover they're concerned it's Lymphoma... add one more thing for me to obsess about.
Hugs & Love
Ok..so while you're home check into reading some stuff on OCD...maybe that would keep you busy for a while!
I know this must be difficult. Look up articles of christians who have beat cancer...listen to their faith. And then if it comes back positive..which of course, we're praying it doesn't...you are ready for battle. I'm glad you have a "kick it's butt" attitude. That's going to make all the difference in the world. I love you. Take care.
Oh..and one more thing..I just felt a promting to share. I have known of numerous cases of people who got cancer and once they realized they had someone in their life they hadn't forgiven for something...even if something major...and they chose forgiveness..they were healed. So..it wouldn't hurt to do an inventory of what's in your heart. I know I have a problem in this area...not so much for someone who offends me once or twice but for repeat offenders. I build a wall and choose not to forgive because it's easier than having to do it over and over again. Just a little honesty in case you are dealing with unforgiveness. Just ask God to show you if any is there. Sometimes we stow things away and don't think about them for a long time but they can still be poisoning us spiritually and therefore physically.
Ha ha ha...
I'm not going to look into OCD, but I am going to look for Christians who have written about beating cancer, I don't want to have it, I'm hoping I don't, but there can't be anything wrong with reading their inspiring words anyway!
As for forgiveness, that was my first thought 2 weeks ago, is there anyone I haven't forgiven for something? I tend to take inventory of that on a montly basis, I won't participate in communion without making things right that way. So I looked at my heart, and I keep asking God to reveal to me any grudges I might be holding on to, but as of right now, nothing has revealed itself. I have learned that half the people who had this form of cancer they are suspecting will go into remission just from stopping one of the medications I take, and I have since stopped that medication (at the advice of my doctor) so, should this turn out to be cancer, I've already taken one step towards trying to beat it.
I didn't come this far to give up. If I have cancer, I'm going to keep standing in front of the congregation week after week and sing God's praise like I did this morning... even if it means I am standing there with a bald head! I will still participate in the Christmas drama, the cantata, etc... I am not a quitter, and I won't let this destroy me. Yes, I have my moments of "WHY!" but overall, my attitude is one of confidence that I am going to survive this and live to be an inspiration to others facing a similar trial... who knows, maybe this is preparing me to write in an encouraging way for those who do suffer from cancer. Remember, I have felt God leading me to write for Him for some time now, maybe this is His way of giving me the time to do that writing?
Hugs & Love
Most people's best artistic/ expressive efforts come from bad times. As a poet, I ought to know that. The stuff that people love is inevitably written by someone who had to be in a trough event in their life to write it. Pain, as they say, is the universal language.
So what you're saying is pull out your Bible and start praying and writing huh?
Hugs & Love
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