Psalm 69:29
I am suffering and in pain. Rescue me, O God, by your saving power.
I’m in pain. Physical and emotional turmoil define my existence right now. So as I was trying to figure out where to go next in my Bible Blog journey my thought was “I need help to figure out what I should do next.” Then I realized what I need right now is HOPE. So today, I’m going to list the messages of hope I have read and enjoyed and thought about today along with some of the thoughts, questions, and if I have them, answers I came up with. Mostly questions though, aimed at myself for my less than perfect reaction to circumstances in my life.
Psalm 42:5
Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!
Why do we allow ourselves to be so discouraged, so sad when God has offered us life through Christ? Why is it that when something goes wrong I wonder what the point of life is on some level even though deep down I know my purpose is to serve God?
Proverbs 23:18
You will be rewarded for this; your hope will not be disappointed.
Isaiah 40:31
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
I live in physical pain on a daily basis. How I long to have strength, to soar free like the birds, to not grow tired anymore. I don’t know when it is going to happen, but God has promised that I will do exactly what I wish for one day. I am looking forward to a pain-free existence, in His timing of course, but I’m not that patient of a person and have to admit, I want it now!
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.
“They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
This is the exact sentiment I have about my current employment situation. I seriously doubt God has put me where I am right now (top of the candidate list for a really good job) if He has an untimely demise planned for me. He is setting me up for success, and this is just one stop on the journey to get to that success… perhaps so I can learn to lean on others when it’s appropriate instead of trying to be self-sufficient to a fault?
Romans 5:3-4
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials,
for we know that they help us develop endurance.
And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens
our confident hope of salvation.
I need to adopt this attitude of rejoicing when facing problems and trials. Yes, I still believe I should praise God, yes, I still get up and sing with my heart to my Savior, but is it rejoicing when I let the tears fall, when I feel afraid, when I am struggling with my emotions because I am no longer able to control my muscles or voice because of pain and fatigue? What exactly does it mean to rejoice when we have problems? I’m still seeking God, I still talk with Him, and probably more than before, and I’m not upset with Him in any way or blaming Him in any way… what I don’t know is am I doing something wrong by being scared of uncertainty or crying when the pain gets to be too much or is that just part of it?
Romans 15:4
Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us.
And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently
for God’s promises to be fulfilled.
Romans 15:13
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely
with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will
overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.
I feel confident that whatever this illness is that is attacking my body right now, that I will survive and thrive once we figure out what is going on and how to react to it. I trust that God is going to pull me through this, and my only real concerns are to make sure that everything is in line for my children should I happen to be overly optimistic right now… but despite this confidence, I am still afraid of the unknown, still feel sadness at times. Why am I so afraid?
I Corinthians 15:57
But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.
This is why I am not afraid for my well being. I will be alive in one form or another no matter what happens to me. I have no doubt where I will be should I die. I plan to survive, but I don’t fear death because of this promise. Death has lost its grip on me because of Jesus!
II Corinthians 4:16-18
That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying,
our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles
are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that
vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the
troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot
be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we
cannot see will last forever.
Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm,
for God can be trusted to keep his promise.
Hebrews 11:1
Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen;
it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.
I know that God is faithful; I know He is going to keep His promises, and I know He loves everyone that I love more than I am able. I need to allow myself to really rest in His arms right now so I won’t be overburdened with concerns I don’t need to have, and I don’t know how to do it. I know God will take care of everything because everything is His… I just need to let go a bit more and let Him do His work, and I am having trouble doing it. I want to be able to rest like my children rest when I hold them, peaceful, silent, content, and knowing that I will protect them from anything harmful that comes their way… I know God is that type of a parent, I know He has me in His arms, but for some reason I am still a bit restless, and I don’t want to be.
Okay, before I ramble even more I'm going to get going… sorry this is just a list and questions. Hope you don’t mind too much!
Hugs & Love
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3 comments:
I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but a little while back at the beginning of the semester, probably 2 weeks ago, I was at that Jeremy Riddle concert. I wasn't in the mood to worship, and was just sitting there and thinking about how I wanted to be a good musician but didn't want to be famous. Then I thought it would be cool to have a band where everyone was anonymous. I thought it would be cool to go everywhere and rock out, but be anonymous so that my worship music wouldn't be tainted by any kind of "idol worship" directed at me.
Then God told me something that hit me like a sledgehammer:
"You have a name. It is Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and though you are cast into the fire, not a hair shall fall from your head."
All that week what had been bugging me was my academic failures. They still bug me now, though I see light at the end of this tunnel of screwing things up getting closer and closer. The point was, he spoke straight to my heart and stopped me from despairing because He promised I would be unscathed by what was happening to me.
There is a spider crawling up my wall. It's small and brown and ugly. There is no point to me telling you about it, I just looked up and saw the spider.
My reason for responding is to say thanks for sharing this. I do know that He will bring me through this, whatever it ends up being, but being scared of the unknown while playing the waiting game is not unusual. I know, with everything in me, that God is in control. I just don't like that I can't see the big picture when I so desperately want to.
Hugs & Love
"I just don't like that I can't see the big picture when I so desperately want to."
You and me both, sister...
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